|
Growing up, I was a happy wee gal, never had a problem with making friends, no troubles with bullying, and was a bubbly, passionate individual who thrived on life. I’ve always been a compassionate and sensitive soul and I’ve always longed to make a difference in people’s lives for the better. When all my high school years were over and done and after I wasted time doing a tourism course, due to it being nearly every girls dream at that age to become an air hostess, I started working for World Vision at age 18. I then headed over to America for 4 and a half months at age 19 to volunteer for a non-profit called Invisible Children – an organisation dedicated to ending the longest running war in Africa. I lived in San Diego, California for a month or so before travelling to a few southern states in America (New Mexico, Arizona, Texas, Florida, Georgia, South Carolina, Mississippi & Tennessee) speaking at high schools, colleges and churches, educating people and getting them involved in Invisible Children’s efforts. Still to this day, that was the best year of my life – because even though it was physically and emotionally draining, I felt like I was making a difference in the lives of many. It was truly a rewarding experience and one I’ll never forget. I might add that I was super Christian during these years so I got a lot of zest for life from knowing and loving something intangible and something far greater than myself.
When I came back, I studied Not for Profit Management at Unitec, whilst working for a local charity. It wasn’t until I moved from Hamilton to Auckland, that my whole life would get flip-turned upside down. I don’t know what it was about moving up there; studying whilst working, how expensive it was or how isolated and alone I felt. I was trapped in my own head, my emotions were like a child’s drawing; messy and unpredictable, to the point that even though I had the most loving boyfriend at the time, who I could not fault, my feelings for him were non-existent. I was numb. I didn’t want to get out of bed to go to uni or work, the only reason I would get out of bed would be to sit on the floor of the shower until the water ran cold, get out, and head back to bed. I knew this was not normal and I knew this was having a major effect on my flatmates/friends at the time. When you are suffering from anxiety and depression, you can come across as selfish, even though you know that you’re not intentionally meaning to be. You tend to only see what it’s really like from an outsiders perspective when you’re removed from the situation. But that’s another story all together. Hold that thought. I travelled home to Hamilton one weekend and headed to the doctors who talked me through questions, that I knew I would have probably answered a lot differently if my mum wasn’t in the room. And the questions led to one answer, I was diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression. I couldn’t deal with anything, it felt as though my life wasn’t my life and I was living in the shadows, where depression had consumed me and taken over my thoughts, my body and my emotions. It was that same weekend that I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years as I couldn’t look after anyone else, let alone myself. I hate being a burden on people, but for some reason I feel as though I still continue to be, presently. I went on anti-depressants and my life in Auckland continued to be an all-consuming darkness with which I struggled to find my way out of. I had great friends, great family but somehow that wasn’t enough to get me out of the funk that I was so deeply immersed in. They say anxiety and depression so often targets the creative, compassionate types. Does this story relate to you? Join the community or become a contributor by flicking an email to hello@theheartchain.co.nz. We would so love to hear from you. To be continued… |
F*ckin’ tremendous things here. I’m very glad to look your post. Thanks a lot and i’m taking a look ahead to touch you. Will you please drop me a mail?
https://twitter.com/choisehelper
http://www.notbred.com/
http://www.sexybang.top/gal/4271.html
http://www.sexybang.top/gal/2215.html
Im impressed, I have to say. Actually not often do I encounter a blog thats both educative and entertaining, and let me let you know, you will have hit the nail on the head. Your thought is outstanding; the issue is something that not sufficient people are talking intelligently about. I am very completely satisfied that I stumbled across this in my seek for something relating to this.
http://www.luxcraft.se/forum/viewtopic.php?f=26&t=676711
https://twitter.com/good_choise
http://choisetop.tumblr.com/
http://www.sexybang.top/gal/5361.html