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I found myself seeking God, it’s funny isn’t it? Most of my life, I’ve lead a non Christian life but I find myself in my darkest moment, alone, terrified, and broken pleading with God, asking for his protection and strength to just get me through this moment.
A moment so dark and dangerous I have tears falling as I put my words to paper. My husband, a man I love with every inch of my being, a man I find my soulmate in and best friend. The father of my children and ultimate protector but in this moment of darkness he became my tormentor. I sat there cradling my newborn child in my arms thinking this would be the last time I ever smell his freshly bathed skin or kiss his porcelain chubby cheeks or tell him how much mummy loves him. I faced a moment in time where my husband, deranged, demonic and unpredictable lost his way to a world of drugs and destruction. A moment I never thought imaginable from the man that I adored so much. I sat on my knees cradling my child to my chest while he held a gun to my head. Swept up in rage he no longer saw me as his wife nor the woman that sacrificed everything to keep him happy, the woman that birthed his children nor the woman that he fell in love with all those years ago. Tonight, in his words, “It was punishment time.” Almost joy in his presence to see me cower in fear, he was willing to take my life tonight and I was ready to die!!! In this moment, I seeked God for one more chance, I seeked God for the innocence of my children and pleaded with him to get me out of this alive and I promised to leave him. The rest of that night became a blur of pain, fear and humiliation but in all that darkness the sun rose and I was granted my wish to see another day. I don’t think it’s possible to describe what I went through that night nor the damage it has done to my life, I left a part of me behind that night and as God as my witness, I used every inch of strength, courage and self love to get my children and run as fast as I possibly could to safety. I am a survivor of domestic violence and I want my story to be heard because no matter how hard it gets or how alone you may feel, you need to know that there is a better life waiting for you. That love should never be painful nor hurt and that no man has the right to raise a hand to a woman in anger, EVER! I lost my best friend and soulmate that night but I also gained my freedom and the ability to raise my children in a safe and happy home. Even through all of my heartache and pain I would make the same choice one million times over! God heard my voice that night and gave me a second chance to lead the life he gave me, this is my life, my life only! I am strong, I am beautiful and I am ENOUGH!! |
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