A Field to Losing your Friends
People often tell Tyler they’re jealous of his adventures—how he first left Belgrade; how he lived out of a van for months at a time; how he spent a summer in Israel as an archaeologist; and his ongoing goal to visit all the U.S. national parks. What people fail to recognize, however, is that these pursuits were always a means of distraction. At fourteen, Tyler first started noticing his clinical depression, an illness leaving him to ruminate on debilitating thoughts of meaninglessness and inadequacy. He turned to travel as a self-harm survival technique, always looking for the next distraction, yet suicidal ideation lingered. It wasn’t until Tyler started treating his mental illness as a gift that he began to understand the darker recesses of his own creativity. He put pen to page, no longer as a prisoner to the stigma of his affliction, but as a confessional essayist dragging hard emotional truths into the light of recognition.
Unrequited Series.
Untitled Song by Shannon Olivia.
View original blog post, here.
Lyrics.
Even though the pastel colours / situate before my eyes / My thoughts are solely grayscale / being that my mind drifts / to near distant black and white / I simply cannot fathom / these rainclouds that surround me / I want to breathe / to feel the surroundings / Lush flowers of pink and blue / the feeling of grass beneath me / the great life that’s all above / shimmering through my eyes / But though I cannot feel it / All the goodness that surrounds me / I want to wake / to feel all better / I want to wake up all brand new / These scars / these wounds consume me / Lord help me to breathe again / and love like you / Although I did not choose this / it will help me be stronger than before.