The black dog

So the black dog aye, depression, the dark cloud… Whatever you call it, you don’t know when it’s going to hit. Possibly the hardest thing is admitting you have it.

I’ll admit it wasn’t easy for me, I had just left a relationship, hated my job, life wasn’t going very well. I was always tired, sick and had dark thoughts in my head. While I don’t think I had got to a point of wanting to end my life, I had thought about how. I saw an ad on TV from Sir John Kirwan who said a few things about seeking help and support for depression. I then thought to myself, “Oh that’s how I feel, that’s what I want!”

I remember the fear of going to the doctors… Do they lock me in a mental home? Do I have to do tests? What exactly happens? The doctor explained everything and helped me through the process. Coming from a sporting background he said your brain is like a muscle, if it tears or if it is injured, you can’t just leave it, you have to heal it. I hated myself for getting this. I thought it was a disease and my life was ruined. I wouldn’t have any friends so what was the point of going on. However, the more you embrace your mental illness and work towards helping yourself, the more you become a better person. I take a pill every day but there is much more to it than that. Like enjoying the little things in life, those small victories.

My key when starting was to do one activity a day, go for a run or get a coffee with a mate. Just something that got you out of bed because that was a huge struggle for me. The last thing I wanted to do was go out in public. I hated it but it saved me in the long run. If I hadn’t taken pride in those little victories in life, I possibly wouldn’t have made it through the process

Shannon (who founded The Heart Chain) is a great person and I have a lot of respect for her. I wouldn’t say we’re super close mates but I know that if I need someone when I have a hard time, she is one of the few people open and ready to talk about it. I believe we need to be open and speak up more, so that people know that there are far more people to talk to about it than they realised. I have been to far too many funerals to know that what the world is doing now is not working.

– Anonymous